The demonolgist's day job was painting lines

  • The demonolgist's day job was painting lines in parking lots. This went well until the winter solstice

  • when his inner demons told him to paint a large pentacle in front of Walmart & sacrifice a goat. Derek the demonologist was given unpaid 'thinking time' from his line painting job

  • Unfortunately for Derek, thinking wasn't one of the talents of a demonologist. That goat was the last one in the town. I was time to use more..available sacrifices.

  • So the next day I found myself berried underground with a tomb stone which said not a worthy sacrifice

  • . Being berried alive is a cruel form of execution. The victim is inhumed with berries. As a final insult, a tombstone is buried with him. I, unworthy sacrifice, had been berried.

  • Unfortunately I also was allergic to berries. There I was, six feet under, covered in hives, and itchy as hell. To escape, I punched through the coffin lid and clawed through

  • 2 meters of packed fill dirt. When I burst out of the ground a roving pack of hillbillies shouted "Zombie apocalypse!" and charged me with pitchforks. "No, no!" I tried to say but

  • my larynx was impaled by a pitchfork, so it came out, "Ngggghh, ngggsshh!" Of course, they couldn't stop me. Gory gobs of blood-n-stuff dribbled down my shirt. The hillbillies

  • were going to defend the black crude that had come up bubbling on their property. I whipped one of the hillbillies in the head with the handle of the pitchfork sticking in my chest

  • A crimson creek spurted from his jaw. Cruor that is & did he bleed. Kinfolk said Jed looks like a Hematoma. ER's the place you oughta be so they sewed'm up & he looks like Beverly.



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