The last applicant was the most qualified

The last applicant was the most qualified of the bunch, by a wide margin. Loads of relevant experience <check>, leadership qualities <check>, suspicious beard <double check>.

holey T-shirt <check>, crossed arms <check>, smirk <check>, no eye contact <check>...yes, the HR dept. did had done a great screening job. "So," I said, "I see your last job was

a snow job." The hipster smirked, guzzled Red Stripe beer and started chewing Blackjack gum. "Yeah?" And then the HR Interviewer ripped off his suit, underneath he had Dickies

Every Flavour Beans strapped to his naked body. Whatever we did, a shower of confectionary was going to kill everybody in the

monkey barrel. It was destined to be JUST as fun as a barrelful of monkeys. Which is to say, no fun at all. Hey, what were we doing in a barrel anyways? We should be dancing and

mimicking the Doobie Brothers. So they packed up and traveled to China Grove, Texas, where they encountered a fish out of water. No opimum here, no sirree, bob. Everyone had

pitchforks & torches, ready to burn & cannibalize the witches over yonder in Nasaw in Houston, & them Doobie Bros was too high to know what's what, so them an' all the Texans there

Listened to alex jones daily, taking notes.

"911? I need to report an escape!" The wail of sirens could be heard now, and squad cars stopped in front of our house. "Mam, you're under arrest for letting Truth out of her box!"