The commander of the Cron Aviv starship pounded

The commander of the Cron Aviv starship pounded his fist against the central panel. "Lost in space with no fuel. Awesome. So who wants to push?" The crew hid in the barracks with

out eating the Proteinsma packets. They only had so much time to conspire mutiny. There was fuel but it was on a silencer orbit just behind the starship. To kill the captain requri

-- a "captain requri" being a captain about to be killed -- would mean an end to his interminable diatribes on spiritual hygiene. The mutineers argued over which method was most

Effective at cleansing the world of useful idiots. The debate went on for three years, and the useful idiots graduated high school and college. That made matters even worse!

Soon useful idiots were everywhere. One created the fidget spinner. One became a press secretary. One created the More Cowbell meme. I'm pretty sure my neighbor is a useful idiot

My brother Jon-Jon, for one, and my sister Peggy Beth. Idiots, the both of them. Me, I'm just plain nuts. Intelligent, but out of my gourd. Dr. Beatty tells me that I lost my

marbles on the school playground in 1966. Every time I open a new deck of cards, I never seem to play with a full deck. I’m a crazy old loon who is completely off his rocker.

In fact, my rocker is here in the room with me, and I’m off it right now. My 3-floor house also has an elevator, but my elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top. But to call me

lazy is accurate. My house is just an elevator with a rocker in it. I'm studying rocking in non-inertial reference frames. Newton was wrong, but he did mercury and was truly crazy!