I've been trapped in my happy place for over

I've been trapped in my happy place for over a year now. I don't know how much more I can take.

How much sunshine and good cheer am I supposed to endure? I was trapped here, in paradise, one complimentary massage away from total madness. Hotel California. It was a mistake.

Pink champagne on ice? Yeah, but that gets old fast, and seeing yourself in the mirrored ceiling during coitus makes you self conscious. Paradise? Now that I'm the Beast, I wish

I had some steely knives. I called up the captain and ordered some more wine. (Merlot...blah) I needed to get back to the place I was before. Where was that damned Bellman.

"You can never leave," a voice rasped behind me. It was the Bellman. "I can't check out anytime I like?" I retorted. "Yes, but you can never leave," he repeated. This trip sucked.

I waited 'til the Bellman was distracted. "Sorry," I said before kicking him the shins. I ran for the door. That's when Col. Mustard stepped out of the shadows and hit me with a

piece of lead piping. "Oh sorry!" he said, "Wrong person. I was waiting for Miss Scarlett." I was relatively unharmed, but the Bellman that I had just kicked was on my trail. I ran

Whilst sitting on the random rooftop I howled at the moon and wished on a shooting star that I would find her. My deep depressive thoughts weren't aiding my state of mind. I needed

her! The star started bursting bright colors, then tumbled from the sky & crashed. I rushed to the crater & saw her lying in the debris, cursing. Shooting Star, you saved me again!