"Chip the glasses and crack the plates!

"Chip the glasses and crack the plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates -". The dwarves stopped singing as one, realizing that Bilbo stood in the kitchen doorway, his arms

just tatted up with tribal elf motifs. Bilbo put down his clay pipe and glared at the dwarves. "Oy! you be cleaning those up right quick if you knews whats goods for yease."

The dwarfs outnumbered Bilbo. They stopped drinking his beer and gathered around him. They poked his chest and said, "You and what army?" One of the dwarfs smashed his axe into

Bilbo's knees, rendering him shorter than the evil dwarves who now surrounded him. Clutching his stumps & looking around, Bilbo suddenly pointed west & shouted, "THAT army!" A huge

ran over the pothole and away to Mordor. Parp! Parp! Bilbo stuck his head out of the hole. It was Mr Toad in his little car escaping from jail! "Mr Toad help, I've got no legs" sho

nuff, Friends without legs was not unusual for Mr Toad so he simply waved at Bilbo and kept running. Twas bad form, thought Mr. Toad, to stop and visit when you're a fugitive.

It seems the judges agreed as he received high scores from them all except the East German judge, of course. The next fugitive to appear was a Canadian, Saviore Faire. He was every

judge's hands-down favorite. He sauntered down the catwalk, wearing only a Canadian Mountie's Hat and a low-slung holster. "The winner is Saviore Faire," the east German judge

Declared after rating his costume, which was a tomato head and cucumber skin suit, with black shoes from Mephisto, costing $300 at a shop down the Avenue de L'Opera. He bowed.