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Vanessa Conquest's fingers fluttered like

  • Vanessa Conquest's fingers fluttered like french fries in a bingo hopper. Her husband and her boy-toy were both missing, and she didn't want the police involved. The scent of money

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  • was a song that Vanessa had written as a follow up to "Money For Nothing." Dire Straits turned it down on principle. But Bono's third cousin Wiley loved the song. He called up

    4
  • and down the hallway but noone was there. So he recorded the song himself. It was sorta like MmmBop, but even edgier. Almost as racy as the latest Jonas Bros joint. But not quite.

    4
  • He couldn't have expected what happened next: the single shot to #1 on the charts almost overnight, and within a week he was the teen heartthrob of his generation. If only

    2
  • it would mean more to him. Ever since he lost father Jackson, Randy Hawk had felt empty. It seemed that without MJ's soft caress, he would never find joy in this world again.

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  • For now, he only had the pleasure of feasting on Apple Jacks. As he sucked on his spoon, milk dribbling from the sides of his mouth, the phone began to ring. Randy picked it up

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  • and started crying, his tears mixing with the milky drool streaming down his neck. Randy whispered some gibberish into the wrong end of the phone and hung up.

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  • Randy never had any luck with phone sex. Why didn't they want to talk about feelings on the other end? Randy refused to objectify them because of lewdspeak. His milky drool aside,

    4
  • Randy wanted more from his relationship with his phone. His phone told him how it felt: "Sometimes it's like you just switch me on & off. I live too much in your pocket. I need

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  • your love.I need that secret touch.I need you to whisper sweet nothings into my receiver. I need..." Randy hung up. He paused, contemplating, then turned his attention to his iPad.

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1 Comments

  1. 49erFaithful Apr 09 2013 @ 13:09

    Never buy a used phone or ipad. Apparently.

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