Nancy Drew took a long drag of the joint

Nancy Drew took a long drag of the joint and handed it to one of the Hardy Boys. "Work's been slow," she said. "Us, too." She pushed a Candyland playpiece across the map thoughtful

ly and said "But you know, we could always reopen the case of the hidden salami..." Frank Hardy nearly sprayed a mouthful of bourbon all over his brother. Just then, Chet's jalopy

t own was a really good pair of slacks. This simple fact irked him to his very core. He looked down at his sad pants. Why? Why?

You didn't know this is how Ralph Lauren got his start, did you? Yep, it was on that very day, the sad pants day, that he changed his name to Ralph & never looked back. Sometimes

when I open up those giant tupperwarewolfesque storage bins collecting dust beneath the bed, Ralph Lauren suddenly pops into my head playing seahorse polo, and I rush to the bath-

in order to act out seahorse polo in my tub. It's going so well until I hear thumping from the flat below and "You're flooding my bedroom!" drifting up. What would Ralph Lauren do?

This was a question I always asked myself when I took a bath. After I dried myself on my Polo towels, I decided to get total revenge on the downstairs neighbors who wore Chaps.

He stood there, unwitting, as I slathered that tube of dense commercially marketed mucus, cherry-scented, all over his Chaps. He called the cops for wholly unrelated reasons.

When the cops arrived, they took one look at him and started laughing. I mean, who can take a man covered in fruit-scented glop seriously? "What a joke," they said, and drove away.