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Paul was a midleaged men with a house and

  • Paul was a midleaged men with a house and a car to pay for,a wife to please,two boys to raise...and a secret : he was completely,simply,totally

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  • in awe of Charlie Sheen. It had started a sitcom but had now grown to a hero worship situation. He dreamed of being Charie from both on the set and in real life. Porn stars and

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  • a father who was the President of the United States. How could Charlie Sheen ever lose? He was right. The problem was that he'd had too much great pussy and this had made him

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  • weak and drained of sanity. When you suck that much blow off the back of toilets, it does something to your head. Still, they had to watch him - if CS got too close to winning

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  • that blow-sucking contest, they would lose all credibility in the underground blow-sucking community. Toilet-blow-sucking was a specialty of mine, which reminds me of the time I

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  • was locked in a bathroom for two years and survived on the condensation that formed on the porcelain crescent. Two years well spent, I proudly thought to myself, sucking the last

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  • mildew from the tile cracks. That's when I noticed the bathroom had a second door, which amazingly was unlocked. In my hallucenogenic state I reallw walked into

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  • my bedroom (or what I thought was my bedroom) and saw mirrors on the ceiling and pink champagne on ice. Everyone turned to look at me. I said "What are you doing in my bedroom?" My

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  • friend Joan said, "This isn't your bedroom,it's Hugh Hefner's and we're here for the same reason you are. Duh." I shook my head to clear it. Too much champagne! How did I get here?

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  • So I took my easter bunny costume back, put it on where it belonged, and walked out of that rabbit parade once and for all, never looking back. And I remember it to this day.

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