I'm allergic to walnuts, wheat gluten, cats,

I'm allergic to walnuts, wheat gluten, cats, poinsettias, postage stamp adhesive, every ingredient in beer except water, Depend® undergarments, dust mite turds, wookie fur,

the soft carress of a mother's touch, puppies, pulp novel grit, mollusks, and chai tea. I need shots bi-weekly so my skin doesn't burst into

a garish display of allergic reactions. My allergist prescribed a round of meds to protect me from animal dander, shellfish, and certain spices. "What about my in-laws?" I asked.

"There is no cure for in-law allergy," the allergist said, scribbling a prescription, "but this brand of scotch, if imbibed regularly during the in-law visitation will dull symptom

s dramatically.I included 5 refills, just in case." I grabbed the prescription gratefully, scuttled out the door & over to the pharmacy. "I need this asap. My in-law allergies are

..." He held up his hand in understanding. "We all scuttle along the bottom of life's ocean, lonely and combative." Nothing had prepared me for Morgan Freeman as SpongeBob, PharmD.

I decided to become a disciple of Morgan "Spongebob" Freeman, and followed him from pharmacy to pharmacy just to hear the wisdom he would dispense. Others soon joined us as we made

our way through a shabby chic street full of new money. We moved fast, not wanting our sensibilities to be tainted by their pretentious ways. Our wise leader Morgan, ever the poet,

Invented fake found poetry all over again. His fans applauded the hyphen by setting their belly button lint on fire over a blood chalice, inscribed with the palace and surrounded b