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I had to figure out a way to Heliski this

  • I had to figure out a way to Heliski this week. We just got a hugh dump, I love huge dumps, and now Bluebird skies. Then it came to me, "what if I offer the guide

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  • Hugh some free tuba lessons in exchange for a ride up Mt. Mistake in his helicopter. He agreed and we were on our way. I had my powder skis, two granola bars and an extra hat. What

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  • I didn't have was ski boots. Crap, we were half-way up the mountain and we couldn't turn back. I told the chopper pilot and he said, "that's okay, I forgot to gas up!" I heard the

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  • prop begin to sputter and wheeze. The pilot put on the only flotation device and jumped out. I jumped into the cockpit, grabbed the joystick and pulled on the reserve gas choke

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  • as the plane went over and began a death spiral to the left. I closed my eyes reached out to my angel, Ecanus. Suddenly, the engine roared to life, the plane righted itself, and

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  • overcompensated to the right! "Ecanus, oh my God, what are you doing?!" I screamed at my guardian angel, to which he replied "Don't take the Lord's name in vain." The plane, doomed

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  • seemingly, plummeted towards the mountain range. Not even my guardian angel could save us now. I took a deep breath and despairingly leapt out of the

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  • submarine. I was under the impression we were in a plane! My lungs filled with water as I tried to breathe one last breath. A seahorse came up to me gingerly and swam in my mouth

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  • as if it were a cosy cave where he could raise his kids in.Seahorses make great fathers,but this was already too much!I spit it out,along with all the water and when I got

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  • to the end of the spitting process, I glowered at Mr Seahorse and his kids. "My mouth is a home for nothing but my tongue," I told him. They cried, but I have a cold, cold heart.

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