I realized why my father, even when drunk,

I realized why my father, even when drunk, only pounded on my bedroom door to wake me in the morning. I suddenly felt somehow responsible for my mother leaving. Reaching for my

cellphone I almost called her,again and for the third time just on the past ten minutes.But what good would it bring?Mom doesn't want to talk to me.She

has an Iphone with AT&T reception. It almost feels like I don't have a mom at all. That's when I decided to make At&T pay dearly, what I did was

make phone calls to every single far away place I could think of. Guam was quite interesting. As I woke someone up in the middle of the night, or at least I think I did

They muttered the three words down the phone line that I really didn't want to hear. "Remember, inflatable

started flipping pages from the rear of the book. Plan T looked like a good one. Grape jelly, a lubricated condom and Old Spice deodorant; it was ingenious, but back to plan B. One

part black powder two parts Nicoline one and a third parts of half and a quarter (cheep half and half) and stir till it smokes!

Then, we'll have made yet another batch of a completely useless substance that we sell as coffee but really has properties similar to a laxative. I cackled with sinister laughter!

I went to take a victory-sip of my Pike Place Roast, but--alas--I had drank the entirety of our JavaLax invention, and spend the rest of my few remaining days on the toilet.