"Teach me the ways of arcane magic," I begged

"Teach me the ways of arcane magic," I begged her. The old lady ran off, chanting, "Chil', this is a smoking jacket, not a blesséd garment. If you wanna bug a real sorcerer, go to

see my sister, Hesperides Laguna. She owns a little store in Anaheim, California, that sells punk rock records on vinyl. Whether she will teach you arcane magic, I cannot foretell

, but one thing Hesperides will do when you visit her shop is put a spell on you! Her dark violet eyes will pierce your soul as she explains everything about the Sex Pistols.

"And so," the sexy witch with the greek accent explained, "All you need to do to activate the sex pistol is insert it into your anus." She demonstrated. "Then it will fire a

a middle level manager named Troy for spending too much time on social media during business hours." Ted did not like the new HR person the company hired. Apparently she was Greek.

PJ Perkins Ltd's HR Medusa was better at firing than hiring personnel. Gradually her office filled with the stone bodies of the newly redundant. Ted got the call "Lowly mortal, ben

edict Cumberbatch your performance has been less than.." Ted, tried to avert his eyes from her stony gaze.& stammered, "B-benedict? There must be a mistake, I'm Ted." The HR Medusa

snakes hissed, "Ssssorry, no, you are missstaken." Ted said, "Can you s-s-s-stop that? Oh look, now you've got me doing it!" The HR Medusa fixed him with a stony stare. He froze

in dreadful recognition of his transgression. "Perhapssss you need some senssssitivity training. " She sssaid (dang it, now I'm doing it). The HR Medusa pulled out the policy