She hadn’t asked for me help since I nearly

She hadn’t asked for me help since I nearly burned down the house twice in one week. I’ve never really tried baking after the Christmas cookie incidents, and she never invited me

to go paint balling with her and Nathan anymore. They were weekend warriors who were also nudists. It wasn't too crazy except they both were exceptionally not well-endowed, so

my not-so-fresh feeling was the least of their worries on this exceptionally cold day in the woods. Nathan grabbed a Vienna sausage and

placed it in the dyke, plugging the hole before it

blew open and killed them all. For a brilliant 12 seconds he knew he was a hero, but suddenly

he noticed that one had survived. Gently, he picked it up and carried it through the smoke and the flames to the Mommy and Me class. There, they enjoyed an hour of guided

She sipped her Venti Latte at the Arsonist Anonymous. Her boyfriend held her hand as she displayed the burnt blanket. She was going to tell about the rug burns when the sprinkler

her boyfriend carried fell out of his pocket. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, but dating an arsonist involved certain risks, and he knew he had to protect himself. She cried.

How could you do it? How could you burn my house down? You know I wanted to do it. I even bought marshmallows. Alright you can burn mine down. Burn your's it'd brick. Asshole!