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She stumbled over the wire. Her mind screeched

  • She stumbled over the wire. Her mind screeched with panic but on the outside all was quiet. Did this mean her team had succeeded in disabling the alarm? She continued

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  • but failed to notice the edge of her dress was caught in the wire. There was a loud ripping noise and the alarm went off. Her team came running round the corner to see Kate in only

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  • her nipple coverings and a fake leaf she used to cover up her genitalia. The men stared for a moment, but then noticed the torn dress lying at her feet. "Damn stray wires." Kate

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  • whimpered. Among the dumbstruck men, only Lloyd hobbled to her rescue, bringing Bactine to disinfect her wounds. As he bent to pick up her torn dress, he tripped over a log and

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  • fell face-first into what he first thought was mud. He spat, gagged and clumsily wiped it from his eyes. Except it wasn't mud. It was a sick blood-and-feces soup that covered the

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  • Pan that Guy Fieri pulled out of the oven. It smelled like a rancid, pickled elephant fetus. Guy said, "Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too."

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  • My 4 year held his nose. "I'm not eating this shit." I said "Young man you watch your mouth! You'll eat whats on the table. Err Whats on the table?" Guy Fieri smiled. "Walla, Eleph

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  • harbunckle sicki ee ee yippitu!" he screeched. I was agape. What weird language had Guy just invoked? My son catapulted a load of peas at him with a spoon. A forked tongue zipped

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  • from Guy's mouth & neatly impaled all the flying peas. He withdrew his tongue, puckered & sent a fusillade of peas back at us, blasting my son's head to a sponge-like consistency.

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  • "I warned you, son!" I shouted over the screaming and carnage of pea warfare. "I warned you to eat your damned peas! Just FRICKING EAT THEM NEXT TIME!" I survived a gut shot.

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