Yesterday i spent a lot of time cutting out

Yesterday i spent a lot of time cutting out clippings from newspapers and magazines to make a collage for his birthday. I thought that would make him happy. But she decided to make

a molotov coctail and throw it in my face. The joke was on her because I was wearing a giant Mardi Gras head of Tom Green which ignited a

flurry of slurred protest in detest of animal husbandry from the Wives for Knives club. "Make pork or don't work!" My Tom Green Mardi Gras mask conflagrated as they congratulated

Wolverina Puckeridge and crowned her Miss Porkrind Heritage Queen. I doffed my flaming Tom Green counterfeit and rushed the stage to stop the proceedings. A wave of Stoats

was followed by a wave of weasels & ermine. This was no way to commemorate the centenary of WW1 & I lifted up Wolverina Puckeridge in my arms & said "Let me take you away from this

chaos! We can go to my place. My flatmate is out tonight." Wolverina Puckeridge wriggled excitedly. I took this as a sign, and with her furry body in my arms, I ran to safety.

There, I gave her a razor and told her if she wanted to get serious the thick outer layer of fur designed to weather the elements needed to at least be trimmed to 3 inches.

Everyone knew I was scamming the insulation out of her, but I didn't. Ha! I collected her sheared fur, and smartly priced it at 9.99$. I'm a visionary. Not 10$. 9 freaking 99$.

I shared the sheared fur with furries for the sheer furor of it. The sheared fur would for sure shed fear, making way for the Sheer Fuhrer. (Fear me!)