Contenders for male of the century: guy that

Contenders for male of the century: guy that invented body paint, guy that convinced chicks that yoga/strechy pants/leggings are fine in public, guy that sends the VS catalog, guy

that lobbied parliament to have sales tax removed from tampons, guy that put refrigeration rooms across the city for menapausal women with hot flashes, guy that directed Sex and th

e City, Guy that smells his palm after wiping, Guy that sneers at people who have honked at him, Guy that celebrates the idiocy of grocery stores, Guy that jumped off the

bridge just for attention. Poor Guy. He realized just before he hit the cold waters of the Monongohala River that no one even noticed his suicide attempt. Dammit. Now he had to sav

e him. Maybe he would make the front page. "Local Hero: saves man from drowning". He imagined the photographers.. Well he had to save the suicide guy first. Damn. The water was

infested by sharks who could sense drops in dopamine. Maybe he should start his heroism globally, then scale back to local gigs (shark teeth are SHARP). The suicidal drowner

had not spent much time practicing his suicide drowning so he found himself making common rookie mistakes. For instance, each time a shark approached him he punched it in the face.

One day, he punched the wrong shark and was eaten alive. He had a stand up comedian at his funeral, who told his favourite joke and made everyone laugh for twenty minutes straight.

They laughed s hard they forgot who was being put to rest and buried Uncle Paul, who had fallen asleep in the front pew. "Don't he look natural," they said. Bur Paul snored and was