That was the last straw

That was the last straw

The others looked at me. "It's the long one", said Chet. "Ofcourse it is", I snapped. Barney handed me the saddle. They snickered as I approached the ostrich.

But the Ostrich was having none of it, not the saddle, nor my drunken antics. "Get into rehab," the Ostrich scolded before kicking me in the stomach. I hurled, and fell back

, twisting my ankle in a huge groundhog hole. What was that doing there? I thought absentmindedly before I hit the grass and passed out, surrounded by ostrich feathers.

Mrs. Ostrich took me under her wing. Literally, I grew feathers and was an ostrich within no time. This family liked me because I could speak perfect Queen's English.

But the Texans down the street hated me, called me "stuck up" and tried to make my skin into cowboy boots. Luckily Mrs. Ostrich knew karate and was able to

make a mean, no make that ornery, she could make one hellofuva ornery sweet potato pie that would just a quickly bite you as let it bite it. Ornery and horny were not a great pair.

Horny and ornery, IN THAT ORDER, conversely, were a great pair. First, get him to bed (the horny part), then buck like a wild stallion (the ornery part) and make him work for it.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....... Uh, did you hear what I said? Horny and ornery? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....... Well, that didn't work out so well. Don't you want to....? Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.......