It was beyond weird. Ever since I had clicked

It was beyond weird. Ever since I had clicked 'engage haptic feedback' on my phone everything I touched vibrated upon contact. It took some getting used to but my girlfriend was

suddenly a fan of pulse dialed international calls to her kitty. She purred under by touch. But my vibrato fingers had other less desirable effects. My work at the Three Mile Islan

d had mutated my mouth. I had a normal mouth on the outside. But inside my mouth, I had strange fleshy receptors that allowed me to eat electricity from exposed wires.

I'd always wondered why the same electricity makes ovens hot and fridges cold. My mouth receptors tasted the electrons going to the fridge. They were crunchy & icy.

I then coincidentally electrocuted myself. But no matter, the fridge's electrons tasted like a blue raspberry slushie. I moved on to the oven. I stuck my tongue into the outlet.

Mmmm...vanilla caramel. I went a little AC/DC with all these delicious electrons flowing. My circuits overloaded, though, when I wrapped my lips around the busbar. I'm currently

operating as a replacement capacitor in a ViewSonic VP191b 19-inch LCD monitor. It's dark and thundery inside, and you never know where your next electron is coming from, but

electrons are all the same. At least I thought so until I was selected to be in a man-on-the-street product comparison TV commercial. Pacific Gas & Electric had two electrodes set

onto my head. It was weird. As soon as they started interviewing me about electricity, the moment I said anything that could possibly be damaging for their company, I was

hurriedly shushed. I couldn't lie anymore. "That's it!" I screamed. "The truth is, this company doesn't make electricity...it's a cover for a national cannibalistic club!"