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It was beyond weird. Ever since I had clicked

  • It was beyond weird. Ever since I had clicked 'engage haptic feedback' on my phone everything I touched vibrated upon contact. It took some getting used to but my girlfriend was

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  • suddenly a fan of pulse dialed international calls to her kitty. She purred under by touch. But my vibrato fingers had other less desirable effects. My work at the Three Mile Islan

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  • d had mutated my mouth. I had a normal mouth on the outside. But inside my mouth, I had strange fleshy receptors that allowed me to eat electricity from exposed wires.

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  • I'd always wondered why the same electricity makes ovens hot and fridges cold. My mouth receptors tasted the electrons going to the fridge. They were crunchy & icy.

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  • I then coincidentally electrocuted myself. But no matter, the fridge's electrons tasted like a blue raspberry slushie. I moved on to the oven. I stuck my tongue into the outlet.

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  • Mmmm...vanilla caramel. I went a little AC/DC with all these delicious electrons flowing. My circuits overloaded, though, when I wrapped my lips around the busbar. I'm currently

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  • operating as a replacement capacitor in a ViewSonic VP191b 19-inch LCD monitor. It's dark and thundery inside, and you never know where your next electron is coming from, but

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  • electrons are all the same. At least I thought so until I was selected to be in a man-on-the-street product comparison TV commercial. Pacific Gas & Electric had two electrodes set

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  • onto my head. It was weird. As soon as they started interviewing me about electricity, the moment I said anything that could possibly be damaging for their company, I was

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  • hurriedly shushed. I couldn't lie anymore. "That's it!" I screamed. "The truth is, this company doesn't make electricity...it's a cover for a national cannibalistic club!"

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2 Comments

  1. Sophia Aug 24 2014 @ 04:55

    Trust me to get cannibals in here, one way or another.

  2. Gibber Aug 24 2014 @ 05:02

    I had written "taste test" but changed it to "product comparison" at the last moment. Not that it would have helped.

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