After a long day at work, Mike

After a long day at work, Mike

decided to go home. On the way home he

licopters appeared in the night sky "thup thup thup". He ducked down an alley, "crunch chonk crunch chonk crunch chonk chack!" His peg leg was trapped in a storm grate.

A woman with a wooden eye noticed him and asked if he'd like help. "Would I?! Would I?! Hell yes!" "Screw you peg leg! I got it in the war!"

"Wouldn't you love to...in your dreams." A Dutchman wearing wooden shoes looked up."Ja, did someone call me? Ja, I would!" The wooden-eyed woman's heart was splintered

and knotty but suddenly a rattle was heard from inside the heart. The whole crowd ahhhhed and started crying. The Dutchman reached up and stabbed her through her wooden heart.

Sawdust spewed from her wooden heart. People screamed as the Dutchman dropped the knife and backed away slowly before running. "Get him!" yelled a wooden cop, and the chase began.

He'd been framed and the true illegal whittler had gotten away scott free. As he rounded the bend the wooden cops on his tail. A fire broke out between them. Flaming Jon to the res

Cue once again. Pinewood Perkins, the sherriff of Nottingham Forest, lurked in his ghost car. The cat burglars were able to vamoose to parts unknown. Flaming Jon pursued

errant stinking badges in the Sierre Madre Mountains. There he found a motherless story. It was so thin, only 10 folds long. He unfolded it and it turned out to be THIS VERY STORY.