She gave him a watch-chain. "I had to sell

She gave him a watch-chain. "I had to sell my hair." she sighed. He passed her his present. "How ironic, here are some coupons for Great Clips. Look at the time, gotta go."

"The clock is ticking," she thought as he sauntered away. She had traded her luxurious tresses for more than a watch-chain. The pistol had a nice heft. How nice to brush him off.

He didn't have the goods to make the baby she wanted. She checked the clip & hid the Walther PPK in her brassiere. Before entering the celebrity spermbank,she pulled hose over head

-fish. It was a fertility ceremony where she was from. the "headfish" was a symbol of lack of sleep and annoyance, which meant of course-pregancy and baby. The spermbank Janitor

had sired over 1,000 children after being hired as an emergency temp 6 years ago. Unbeknownst to him, the spermbank janitor had a unique genetic mutation which was triggered by

Justin Bieber music (which played just about constantly since 2008) and so his genes mutated worse and worse every day. Of the spermbank janitor's many offspring, the most

mutated was baby Simon, who looked and sang like the Chipmunk. How he learned "Christmas Don't Be Late" before he could walk was still a mystery. Other mutations include

d, but no batteries, Alvin, or Theodore. $19.95 + S&H in all. For a baby Simon, it seemed like a fair deal. I placed a call. "High, question: is baby Simon compatible with the robo

4000 home protection device?" The lady from the call centre at the shopping network responded in a nasal voice "Baby Simon's are very popular today please hold" I waited for what

seemed to be eternity. It was, in fact, eternity. So here I sit, playing FoldingStory, still waiting for the customer service rep to get back to me, muzack buzzing in my ear.