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Transplant surgery is a curious thing. Ever

  • Transplant surgery is a curious thing. Ever since I got that Chinese man's tongue after my regrettable karaoke accident, I have been able to speak nothing but Mandarin. Luckily,

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  • my agent informed me that there were a good number of British tongues on the market, so I started my search. All was well until the tongueless Chinese man broke into my apartment

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  • & stole the welsh, manx, & a cornish tongues from my collection. How did I know? I saw him break in with my security cam.Now somewhere in Cardiff was a nolonger tongueless Chinaman

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  • Who somehow got around the airport without a word of english.

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  • And when I say "exactly", I mean ex-act-ly. Exactamundo! To the "t". On the dot. Not one iota more nor less. It's just like my Aunt Valetta used to say when she was drinking, "

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  • I live, I love, More Olives!" and then she would slump to the floor. My Aunt Valetta had a thing for dirty Martinis, or was that Dirty Martin? her favorite bartender. Exactly, she

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  • couldn't remember in her inebriated state, but Aunt Valetta was sure it wasn't clean. Enwrapped in her thoughts, she didn't notice the roofy making its way into her unfinished drin

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  • drink. She was so out of it by the time the effects of the roofy kicked in, Aunt Valetta was sure to have a crazy night, which would entail her

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  • pretty much the same she was, but a little bit more drunk than usual. Memory loss, things seem more edible than they really are..That was a sad combination for she lost her arm.

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