Sometimes relationships can be about distance

Sometimes relationships can be about distance -- lots and lots of distance. I really don't want the intrusions of others to influence the finely balanced stew in the crucible of my

psyche. I asked my astral travel agent about safe, Tempur-Pedic places for stew. "Psychiatric wards and Mattress Warehouses are popular destinations," she said. "Or you could try

the Cracker Barrel. My Astral Travel Agent advised

a vacation as celebrity lapdog. I was looking forward to being Eva Longaria's Pomeranian but due to a twist in the astral ether I ended up as Meatloaf's Wiener dog wearing a banana

hammock. It was Meatloaf's idea for us to wear matching banana hammocks. He thought it was funny, everyone else just got creeped out.

They proceeded on with their dinner plans, however, pausing only briefly, puzzlingly, in front of one vendor offering a meatloaf special with bananas foster. Out of nowhere,

chairs slid underneath them from the ground. The couple yelled in surprise as they were force-fed the meatloaf and bananas foster. "Facebook Timeline expects you to choose this," a

purple oyster said. "FaceBook is slowly taking over your life." Suddenly, the couple revealed their true form as they turned into giant vultures and ate all the oysters up.

All the oysters devoured, the couple stopped and looked at each other. "I didn't know you're a werevulture." "I didn't know YOU'RE a werevulture, and-- darling, your feathers