21.5

one day when Daniel Tosh came to the store

  • one day when Daniel Tosh came to the store evryone said GAY and Daniel said

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  • "One day you're all going to understand," and he picked up a case of Genny Ice and a 12 pack of Jims, then headed

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  • to the woodshed. He was conjuring the ghost of Larry the Cable Guy. He straddled his 4x4, cracked his first Genny, and

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  • started to inhale the smoke of his black and mild.

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  • He slowly let it out and started to think about where he could go next. Egypt? Brazil? Anywhere but this small town

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  • full of small minded people. This money was his ticket and he fully planned on

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  • using it to its full advantage. He bought a one-way ticket to Nashville, loaded up his guitar and was off. His dream was finally coming true, even though Simon Cowell told him

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  • that he had a rat's chance of making it in Hollywood. But what would the British twit know about REAL country music? I was a star, dagnabbit! I was going to turn the

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  • beat around. I was going to re-invent country dance music. No one could stop me - especially not Simon Cowell - he's not even *on* American Idol anymore. So, I grabbed my

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  • pitch fork and fashioned it into a makeshift banjo. When Timbaland wouldn't see me, I located Cher benath a motel six sign three blocks down. At least he looked like Cher, a tragic

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  • elongated man-woman with a voice that could cut butter. Problem is, Burt Reynolds had left with the Dilbert look alike to get "Moons Over My Hammy" at Denny's. So it was

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  • then that I knew that Loni Anderson was right. This tool could just "Win, Lose, or Draw" his ass back to Florida. Just then, Dom DeLuise doused in White Diamonds said,

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  • "I do NOT look like Chef Paul Prudhomme, he looks like ME!" He drew a pistol from his pocket and pointed it directly at an innocent bystander. Loni screamed "STOP! Let me

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  • do it! You're innocent, but I've already been corrupted!" Loni plucked the pistol from his hand and shot the bystander in cold blood. "Loni!" he exclaimed, "You're a

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  • extreme sausage importer, aren't you? Loni smiled, frowned, then smiled again. "Loni is only a nickname, you know. I'm really known as

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  • The sausage "exporter" in my younger days I was in the wine industry soaking corks. I was a good cork soaker. Changed to sausage stuffing on a whim. I really like when I'm bent

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  • over the kitchen sink and I can better control the

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  • blood stains. While this step helped reduce further damage, I certainly regretted not listening to my wife when she told me not to carpet the slaughterhouse in alabaster burber.

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  • Later on, beneath all the garnish and marinade there -- maggots wiggle and feast on the birthday cake. Pigs are pretty and pigs are clean; the rest are useful if you get em' mean.

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  • Chickens dance and roosters sing; the farmers fancy cows that swing. Will looked at the folio closely. This was it. He'd show them that he was back -- there would be no Hamlet 2.

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