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The page stared blankly back at me. Its

  • The page stared blankly back at me. Its alabaster facade with horizontal lines looked like a cheap, closed venetian blind, blocking out the light of creativity. This deadline had

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  • me by the balls. I'd known about it for sme time of course, but now that my editor was calling on the regular I couldn't type a damn page. I stood up

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  • and announced that I was a member of the So Solid Crew and you all got 21 seconds to

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  • run the hundred meters with flippers and handcuffs. I was good at sports & could sing, but this was ridiculous. I decided to cheat the system by

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  • hiding a nail file up my nose. The Olympic committee felt the Swimming-Karaoke-Escapist Triathilon would be only a demonstration sport, so I probably could get away with it. Others

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  • were hiding Dora floaties and auto-tune programs in their anuses and various other cavities and orifices. This wasn't your dad's Olympics. But the biggest difference these days

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  • was the events. for example, one of the many Terrible Olympic events included Killing Godzilla armed with nothing but a toothpick. Seemed easy enough, so i signed up. However,

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  • it wasn't as easy as it looks on TV. I ended up losing both arms due to Godzilla's teeth but at least I got a couple million dollars and a contract with ABC for the Bachelor show.

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  • "Full moon and no arms," I thought. Well that's the way love goes.

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  • So it was said, and so it was. Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear eats you.

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