Harold the Bear was missing his hat. It was

Harold the Bear was missing his hat. It was pointy and made of red felt, like a garden gnome's. He made inquiries with his forest brethren. "Have you seen my hat?"

No said the Alder Tree I don't know how you could lose a hat, I don't lose anything unless is is blown off by the wind in Autumn. "That's because you can't move around!"

'Details, details' said the Alder Tree to the pedantic Oak. 'You can't move either, chump.' A small piece of the Oak's bark peeled off in annoyance. 'Oh shut up you-' suddenly

well "suddenly" in the tree-sense, so decades later the Pedantic Oak's branch punched the Alder Tree in his trunk. A Decade later the Alder said, "Ow!" After a hundred years a crow

made a nest in a hollow formed in the Pedantic Oak's trunk by the Alder tree's branch which had long since rotted due to Phytophthora. The Alder apologized before death. A woodsman

was chucking wood-chucking woodchucks when along came Sally selling sea shells by the seashore. "Sea shell?" said Sally suggestively. "Pah!" said the woodsman. "Give me 3 toy boats

and do you know I was raised on a pirate ship?" Sally looked at him and her heart began to sing, but first the plan was to rid this dreaded city of the leftover 4 and 20 blackbirds

that would not stop the fucking squawking. SERIOUSLY, what does a woman in a shoe have to do to get some damn peace and quiet around here the screeching of the children

was driving me insane, I took my shoe and threw it at the fattest kid, but he dodged it like George W Bush. Hurghhh. The screaming brats yelled even louder, and I became shoeless