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Harold the Bear was missing his hat. It was

  • Harold the Bear was missing his hat. It was pointy and made of red felt, like a garden gnome's. He made inquiries with his forest brethren. "Have you seen my hat?"

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  • No said the Alder Tree I don't know how you could lose a hat, I don't lose anything unless is is blown off by the wind in Autumn. "That's because you can't move around!"

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  • 'Details, details' said the Alder Tree to the pedantic Oak. 'You can't move either, chump.' A small piece of the Oak's bark peeled off in annoyance. 'Oh shut up you-' suddenly

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  • well "suddenly" in the tree-sense, so decades later the Pedantic Oak's branch punched the Alder Tree in his trunk. A Decade later the Alder said, "Ow!" After a hundred years a crow

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  • made a nest in a hollow formed in the Pedantic Oak's trunk by the Alder tree's branch which had long since rotted due to Phytophthora. The Alder apologized before death. A woodsman

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  • was chucking wood-chucking woodchucks when along came Sally selling sea shells by the seashore. "Sea shell?" said Sally suggestively. "Pah!" said the woodsman. "Give me 3 toy boats

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  • and do you know I was raised on a pirate ship?" Sally looked at him and her heart began to sing, but first the plan was to rid this dreaded city of the leftover 4 and 20 blackbirds

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  • that would not stop the fucking squawking. SERIOUSLY, what does a woman in a shoe have to do to get some damn peace and quiet around here the screeching of the children

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  • was driving me insane, I took my shoe and threw it at the fattest kid, but he dodged it like George W Bush. Hurghhh. The screaming brats yelled even louder, and I became shoeless

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  • and even more pitiful than the wiley President Fat Kid. Santa was watching, of course, so the brats got nada on Xmas morning while I got a new pair of shoes AND a pink Furby.

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1 Comments

  1. JonH2O Dec 24 2012 @ 04:54

    The best bedtime stories Re on this site. I laugh hysterically every time.

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