Before winning the Minnesota American Teen

Before winning the Minnesota American Teen Princess pageant, Amber had had no idea how busy her life would become. It seemed that, as part of th contest, each winner was required

to sit in sub-zero temperatures as Kristi Olson carved their head out of butter. Minnesota American Teen Princess winner, Amber's false eyelashes were slowly fusing to her brows.

Kristi knew the secret to a good, clean carving was butter, not that fake margarine Amber was using. "Not even pigs will eat that slop," Kristi chuckled. She knew victory was

within her grasp which was why she chuckled. Then Kristi outright guffawed when she saw Amber use reconstituted milk. Oh, winning this carving contest was gonna be a piece of cake!

It's a well known fact in the Carving Community that soaking a joint of meat in reconstituted milk will result in slices of meat unrivalled in their uniformity. So Amber wasn't so

ignorant in her decision to serve the sliced meat to the Japanese guests as sashimi. What Amber didn't bargain for was being invited to sing karaoke with 15 Japanese businessmen

, but hey she was never one to shy away from a challenge. Walking right up to the microphone she requested Living on a Prayer since, she did remember that Bon Jovi was big in

Japan. She was all ready to belt out the tunes, when KarokeJoe screwed up the disc player, and King Sized Heart started playing, but she thought the words were King Sized Fart, u

nknown to KarokeJoe. Of course, she found she better fart in beat to the lyrics "King Size Farts," because when in Rome. Soon the entire dance floor pass out from the noxious fum

es. They may have survived if the song wasn't the extended club remix and if she hadn't binge ate earlier at Bean Fest. Moral of the story: Ignore fashion and wear a gas mask.