The server logs confirmed that the file had

The server logs confirmed that the file had been downloaded from his IP address and using his ID, but he denied any involvement. I thought about '24' as I called the boss to

tell him of the impending apocalypse. Trying to explain that it wasn't technically my fault proved futile, and I hung up the phone in despair. Who could I turn to for advice? Who!?

My own dear mother of course, blessed and saintlike in her apperance I went to her and asked, "what should I do mother dear?" She said to me,

"cut that shit out, I'm not your real mother." She replied. "You haven't figured it out by Now? God, you're stupid."

I'm actually a Martian masquerading as a morose Mexican maniac, moved by minute missions of mercy and minuscule mermaids murmuring millions of miles away. Maybe you should

"Drats! Foiled again!" shouted the evil fondue salesman, only to be cut off at the sound of a smashing window. "Look!" yelled a bystander, "ITS

A TEAM OF CHINESE ACROBATS PERFORMING IN BLACKFACE. WOW, THIS IS BOTH AN IMPRESSIVE AND EXTRORDINARILY OFFENSIVE DISPLAY! HEY, DID ANYBODY HEAR THAT WINDOW BREAK?" The salesman

,who's head was encased in a cube of airplane glue, knew not of the surging torrent of Greek fire heading his way. Not even the salesman's massive cube of a head could endure such

happiness after he realized it. He sold flamethrowers all his life and was ecstatic to have received the honor of being burned alive by the CEO, as few salesmen do.