I switched on the electric current. Every

I switched on the electric current. Every follicle rose to attention. I could now move my hair by thought alone.

So it was really embarrasing what happened to my hair when Wanda walked by in her sexy polyester pants and Wind Song perfume. My hair stood on end. My Cognitive Follicle System

crashed. Soon my plugs were visible. Especially to Wanda. The plugs were infected, blistering, bulbous and red. I grabbed a flower pot to cover my shame when

I realized it was not in fact a flower pot but was rather a piranha pot. My screams could be heard for miles. "What do I do?" I shouted, balling. "Take a piranha bath!" responded

a mysterious figure, standing in what seemed to be perpetual shadow. The piranhas clearly unaffected by the lack of water in the immediate vicinity. I began to scream in agony.

This was Halloween 2012. I dressed up as Judge Dread that year and Al Capone the following year. Both costumes won an additional 15 minutes of fame. That was good enough for me.

I was saving up all my time to have an adventure. My research had shown me that usually adventures went wrong because they usually ran out of time. So I was filling all my pockets

with any kind of watch-piece I could fine. I had pocket watches, wrist watches, watches on a necklace and I thought this would give me the hours and minutes I needed to

So Iasked for seconds and there she way, by my side. And our hearts were ticking like mad. And "yes," she said, "yes, I will. Yes."