The teacup on the desk begins to shake. Ripples

The teacup on the desk begins to shake. Ripples disrupt the calm surface as cracks tremble across the glaze, and then it collapses in shards of flowered porcelain. Cold tea pools

on the floor next to the blood spilled in panic. How was I supposed to know it was my grandmother come to visit? She knew I took acid on Tuesday afternoons to unwind

. But what she didn't know was that I took acid on Tuesday afternoons to unwind completely nude with my genitals covered in chocolate and red lipstick circles painted around my

penguin. Penguin? It looked like a penguin. She looked at me with cat eyes. "Arrree yooouu oookeee?" Butterflies came out of her mouth. I had to act non-chalant. BATS! (Maybe not.)

I tried to stare at anything but her bulging insectlike eyes. I reminded myself this wasn't as bad as that night in Vegas: the Jefferson Airplane concert was full of lizard people

shed colossal tears. They hugged each other for comfort, and formed an onstage support group. A hush fell as Liz related: "The man rejected me the sec I chucked my welding goggles.

He said I should have used Odorono." The deodorant in question was left at home! She was onstage when her perspiration proved overpowering. The audience walked out on her gig !

I mocked her with a jig. She mock punched me and that was it; it was ON! I dropped her ass over the 18th floor balcony and caught it again on the ground near our rides, 2 gorm.

I put her ass on her gorm and mine on my gorm, and I chased her ass right out of town. Assless, she stood on the 18th floor balcony and wept bottomless tears. Ha ha, I won.