She watched as he rolled in the mud, looking

She watched as he rolled in the mud, looking like a little pig.

It was the only way to fend them off but she knew it would take every inch of her courage to overcome the fear of mud that began when she was a child. Every since that day in

the health spa, when she spied her mother's head emerging from a vat of mud and was certain she had been beheaded. Overcoming her fear, she began hurling mud pies at her attackers

, but alas, it was useless! The offenders had a grossingly large tongue that slurped away the creamy pastry, and considering all the options left, she's now a damsel in distress!

There was only one super hero who could save her now. Forget spiderman or batman, this damsel in distress needed orangutanman!

With his big cheek pads on the sides of his face and a large pendulous throat sack under his chin, orangutanman could seduce the damsel’s abductor, giving her ample time to escape.

Unfortunately, Orangutan Man did not count on the damsel's abductor being heterosexual, and uninterested in his mock advances. He scratched his orange dome as he tried to come up

with a new plan. "I'll seduce the damsel, then, and free her in the process." (This was not a very good plan. Also, the damsel was a lesbian.)

"Okay, how about this, then? You seduce the damsel, I free her, and we both take credit for it?" My girlfriend couldn't wait to get her hands on that damsel's

throat. My girlfriend had hated the damsel ever since she caught her making goo-goo eyes at me. Secretly I freed the damsel myself. We ran off together & lived happily ever after.