I am Groot.

  • I am Groot.

  • I live in the marshes in the middle of nowhere. No-one comes to visit me, no-one except Greet. She's combing her hair now. She asks "Groot, can I live with you?", of course I said

  • "of course." Greet moved in immediately, bringing her wardrobe of burlap sacks and a rusty old ladle. Together we applied a fresh coat of mud to my hut. "Groot, I have never been

  • unfaithful to you. Isn't it about time we considered teaming up and hunting ninjas? I've been practicing all kinds of new moves.", Greet asked Groot, adjusting her cork spectacles.

  • "Couldn't we just germinate under the moon tonight instead," asked Groot sheepishly.

  • Groot was feeling tendrily, but his girlfriend Zook wanted adventure. I want to touch the crypts inner wall toinight & read the secret braille message. Zook was into cryptography

  • but it really wasn't necessary because her handwriting was so bad, anyway. "Look Zook," said Groot, "how about we just communicate through charades?" This annoyed her even further

  • and she ripped open her blouse, revealing a pair of tasseled 44ZZZ magnums. Groot grinned, unfastened his trouser & proudly showed Zook his Glock 69X. Now, they were communicating.

  • "Talk about a redwood in the khakis," grumbled Rocket who accidentally walked in. He spun and left, but not before hearing, "I am Groot." Shocked, Rocket said, "That's filthy!"

  • Groot adjusted his jock strap, scratching the crowned jewels in the process, and shouted, “Rocket, there isn’t a damned thing filthier than you in my pocket!” So endeth the fable.



  1. MadWorld Jun 26 2021 @ 22:13

    This story could be made into a mini series.

  2. Woab Jun 29 2021 @ 11:02

    On the Vegetation Porn Channel?

  3. Jimbeau Jul 01 2021 @ 11:46

    I've seen the Vegetation Porn Channel, it is quite saucy.

  4. Zetawilk Jul 03 2021 @ 18:08

    I don't get trees.

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