Terricloth robes always seem to chafe me.

Terricloth robes always seem to chafe me. I have tried using all sorts of fabric softening agents with no luck. However,

the robes I steal from hotels always seem to have some magical softness, unattainable by anyone save the manufacturer. Once washed, they lose their magic, so I got a job as a maid

like the ones those people wear in Wall-E. YEAH! No more working! Just sitting on my fat, Lopez-like ass and sipping shakes and watching TV!

I grabbed the remote and zapped through the channels. By 3 a.m. my lids were drooping through a hair-product infomercial. Suddenly I recognized the guy using the product. "Holy cow

that�s Sean Connery!" I screamed. Poor guy, what's Sir Connery doing in a Rogaine ad? What happened to the wig he used in the Bond movies? Does he have no shame? All these question

were in my interview when I approached Sir Connery. I eagerly pulled up a chair. "You. Bald. How long?" After a moment of reflection, he responded with a jab to my lower jaw.

Wow! I should have expected it but frankly, I didn't. He punches like a madman for someone his age. I stumbled weakly and pulled myself up onto the chair and he pounced again.

I rolled on the floor, stained with blood, and banged my head. The world went white and suddenly cold. I could no longer feel life in my veins, but I felt the presence of power.

It was a tingly sort of power that didn't set quite right, but it is with this power I now am consumed. I speak to you from beyond reach. I speak to you now from beyond the dead.