After years of prolonged, tense masturbation,

After years of prolonged, tense masturbation, I realize now that I am in love with the internet. The whole internet. I accepted all of it, for better or worse. She...yes, she

, loved me right back. I loved all kinds of porn; BDSM, straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, beastiality, etc. It all got me going and got me excited enough to play with my big uncut

uncircumcized dick.Maybe that's the reason of my love for porn:circumcized penis envy!It got to a level that I just wouldn't leave the house anymore.I got anemic,

become huge in mind's eye, blindly groping around & enveloping medium sized rodents: rabbits, chinchillas, weasels. Then I saw the ad.: Learn to love your foreskin. Call premiu

m rate number now. 888888. Calls guaranteed to last 80 minutes. And then, in tiny letters beneath: Facing the un-circumcision decision? Allow us to assist! Our friendly team of Mal

-formed smegma enthusiasts are Biblically awaiting your foreskins! Just dial 4-444-444-4444. That number again is ABCDEFG! Feeling sick? Tired? Nauseous? You may qualify for

this "I suffer for sinners" face cloth. Turns brown on contact with skin. Make your very own copy of the Turin shroud! For only 29.99!! Even the fallen angel wouldn't pass up

this deal, especially since the Shroud of Turin limited time "As Seen on TV" deal also came with a free set of steak knives! BUT WAIT! If you order in the next 30 minutes, you'll

also get this combination air compressor and nose hair trimmer!" It was a deal I just couldn't resist. I called the number and gave them all my life savings. It was a good deal.