There it was. A ruby-encrusted golden medallion.

There it was. A ruby-encrusted golden medallion. If only I could get past the case. I ever-so-slightly move the case and

it slides like butter off the table onto my toes. My screams echo through the bank vault indefinitely. There is no doubt in my mind somebody heard that. I grab the medallion

. It glowed. Damn, It set off the light and heat sensor. But there was no time to worry about that as it melted the walls around me. Why the medallion didn't burn me I had no clue.

Maybe it was because the universe couldn't bear the thought of burning beautiful hands like mine. I grinned, pocketing the medallion. The grapple line yanked me upwards and I was

pulled up towards the volcano, where lava landed on my beautiful hands, burning them badly. At least I still had the medallion, but now I had to figure out how to get down without

Any relief from the agony I was now in. Even though the lava only landed on my hands, the radiated heat lit my shirt on fire. But I still needed to bring the medallion down to

the ancient mystic Baba Ganoush. I remembered his teaching and began chanting, "The power of the mind outweighs that of the flesh." I tried not to think of my flaming shirt and cha

-fing undershorts as I marched around the courtyard, chanting Baba Ganoush's words. Pilgrims came from miles around to see me act the martyr and buy flaming t-shirts. When the

Golden Fluffo shortening finally arrived from Walmart Canada, I could finally make the fkaming pie I promised the sponsors of my you tube channel. They happily swallowed it whole.

These days many use the term "drank the Koolaid" haphazardly. Even so, I still found the taste foul. So I decided to use free cake instead. We will praise Me on the other side.