There it was. A ruby-encrusted golden medallion.

There it was. A ruby-encrusted golden medallion. If only I could get past the case. I ever-so-slightly move the case and

. It glowed. Damn, It set off the light and heat sensor. But there was no time to worry about that as it melted the walls around me. Why the medallion didn't burn me I had no clue.

Maybe it was because the universe couldn't bear the thought of burning beautiful hands like mine. I grinned, pocketing the medallion. The grapple line yanked me upwards and I was

pulled up towards the volcano, where lava landed on my beautiful hands, burning them badly. At least I still had the medallion, but now I had to figure out how to get down without

Any relief from the agony I was now in. Even though the lava only landed on my hands, the radiated heat lit my shirt on fire. But I still needed to bring the medallion down to

the ancient mystic Baba Ganoush. I remembered his teaching and began chanting, "The power of the mind outweighs that of the flesh." I tried not to think of my flaming shirt and cha

-fing undershorts as I marched around the courtyard, chanting Baba Ganoush's words. Pilgrims came from miles around to see me act the martyr and buy flaming t-shirts. When the

Golden Fluffo shortening finally arrived from Walmart Canada, I could finally make the fkaming pie I promised the sponsors of my you tube channel. They happily swallowed it whole.

These days many use the term "drank the Koolaid" haphazardly. Even so, I still found the taste foul. So I decided to use free cake instead. We will praise Me on the other side.