We dove off the coast of Šventoji. The nets

We dove off the coast of Šventoji. The nets had pulled up small chunks of amber. Sonar indicated a dome shaped structure. The Princess Jūratės palace of amber was within my grasp!

Without warning, a harpoon shot across my field of vision, trailing deceptively innocent-looking bubbles in its wake. My diving partner clutched at my arm in a sudden panic. "What

ARE THEY SHOOTING AT?" Just then, a giant squid slowly emerged from the bubbles. It had a camera. My diving partner began to panic more. I could tell that he was having trouble

finding a pose for the shot. I held page 2 of the diving manual "posing for squid holding camera" in front of his facemask. The squid suddenly ate the camera. We were in trouble.

"Will the squid poop the camera out?" my diving buddy asked. Our oxygen was low. I said, "If I eat the squid, maybe it'll poop it out when I poop out the squid." The squid heard

how stupid I was and hyper-evolved 10 billion years in a nanosecond. Now the squid was a sensitive, intelligent and snarky creature with 8 arms. He looked at me and

smirked, a gesture of flipping his beak out from under his skin. Images of me choking on my own pride and drowning in this gene pool assaulted me. I swam away in disgust into a

But since we are approaching the end of this chapter of my sordid life's tail, I'll simply refer to the next part of my saga as "The Birdcage," for that's what it felt like when I

reluctantly gave in, and nailed those bars up against the window. Now they'd never get in. And me - well, I'd never get out. And after all, wasn't that what I'd always wanted?