Channel 11 News: Live on scene. "Today Santa

Channel 11 News: Live on scene. "Today Santa Clause has been arrested." The News Reporter said. "It all started at the parade.."

8-year-old Eddie Konitsky jumped the police barrier and onto the parade float, attempting to pull off Santa's beard. Witnesses state that Eddie cried 'LIAARRR!' during the assault

& the protests organized by skeptical grade schoolers at the usual haunts of Santa this time of year haven't let up yet. Here we are in front of Macy's with the picketing kids of

fice workers sat in meetings playing bullshit bingo. "Synergy" "Proactive" "Seemless" "Win-win" "Leverage"

"Forward-looking" "consistent empowerment" "key people" "benchmark" "stakeholders" they didn't know they had said the words that summoned the Corporate Jesus.

Corporate Jesus was like Tony Robbins only likable, knowledgeable, and focused on actual benefit to both client and company. So naturally an angry mob wanted to crucify him on char

stained birch as was the new style that year but the new CEO who was set on rebranding the company insisted Corporate Jesus could only be crucified using synthetic Mahogany which

Was made only to order at the Blazzaville factory in LaLa Land and there was no website. The overseas call cost 300 dollops and lasted 4:52:11. Determined to obtain this rare item,

His plane crashed in the desert, but since he had all ready cast aside all worries and fears, he decided to just stay and live out his days happily gazing at the cacti and sand.