My guts felt like half-cooked eggs. I was

My guts felt like half-cooked eggs. I was so hungover. Could someone please crush my head under an earth mover's tire? Good God, who is that in my bed? Why are my fingers bloody?

Then I looked at my other hand. It was gripping a bloodied apple corer. Imagine my horror when I discovered the body next to me was Johny Appleseed (I checked his wallet)

. The marriage certificate also had my name on it. I had no recollection of this. Anyway, I had the problem of disposing of Johnny Appleseed's cored body. I dragged it to the orcha

sketchy at best. I remember keeping the car running, waiting for them to come back.The drinking game led to threats. Johnny running in front of the car was my last memory. "GO!" H

anson yelled, and Johnny ran like the wind. I don't remember if Johnny survived, but if I'm in the hospital something must have gone wrong. My head ached and

My legs are in traction. I was doored, but I survived. Someone was drag racing or something

. "Or something indeed!" RuPaul tittered as she sayshayed in. "You are a mess! Here, let me help you up!" I The pain was almost unbearable, but RuPaul' s infectious encouragement

left her all smiles and heavy lipstick. Who wouldn't follow the fashion tips of RuPaul. "Oh honey," He said "You're going to be late to the

funeral of the Truth." We all thought the truth had died ages ago with Marat but we were wrong. It survived somehow living in Rancho Cucca Monga in California. Choked on sushi.