Rain fell onto my cheeks, and fell off with

Rain fell onto my cheeks, and fell off with the tears. It was at that moment that I just knew that he wouldn't come. Not today, not ever. Why had I ever thought he was going to?

The sun god would never clear up this rain. I sighed, and began to gather up my tribal ritual equipment. That's when I heard it: a noise like bells. I whipped around to behold

tiny bell-shaped creatures rapidly approaching me. They jingling of their walk was adorable, frankly. I tried to pick one up but it bit me. Acid was pouring from the wound...

inflicted by the little bastard. I began to stomp on them and when they were all dead I dropped my pants and defecated onto there cold corpses. I realised too late that my parents

allow my stupifying depression to really take flight. After all, it was the cashier's fault that I'd had that ungodly realization that disconnected me from the concept of furniture

and paying for it. I stole a "couch" and set it up in my room. Weeks passed; no shrinks showed up. I just assumed all couches release a pheromone that attracts psychiatrists. Sadly

my chaise lounge was chaster than ever. I put an ad on Craig's List "Psycho wants psyche for fun times: have furniture." I set up the net and waited.

A knock at the door. "Come in!" I cried in anticipation as I lay back on my chaise lounge. I blew a ring of smoke into the air. Slowly the doorknob turned. OMG! I couldn't believe

how long the stem was on Gandalf's pipe. Out spurted a sinewy smoke dragon which shot straight through my smoke ring. "Bullseye! You win again," I said. He bowed and took a seat.