The rather dumpy-looking blonde at the end

The rather dumpy-looking blonde at the end of the bar spoke in the awkward silence. "In the 80's I starred in Disney's ultra-secret, first-and-only porn, "Honey, I Blew Up Uranus"

It was right there and then that Professor Higgins decided to take this dumpy blonde under his wing and pass her off at the next Kentucky Derby as a real southern lady. He

scraped the caked dirt off her body with sandpaper and dumped her into a steaming hot bath to burn the filth off her skin. "Say Aye," Professor Higgins demanded. "EYE" she wimpered

meekly. "That's Aye. Now open yur yap so's I can inspect your' lallywagger." Prof. Higgins grasped her tongue firmly as she tried a 2nd time to say "Aye". It came out "Ehiiiiiiii!"

His Tongue Snatcher was a success. Prof. Higgins said, "Now say 'California.'" The student opened her mouth and the Prof. hit the button. ZAP! The Cat had been watching the whole

episode when the elderly neighbour Mrs Dither shuffled out her front door with a box of cat treats. The cat's ears pricked up and it scampered across the road to investigate

These treats that smelled of tuna. Dude called Ginger over to check them out when he carried them home.

As usual, Ginger had to dance on the furniture to enter the room, so Dude filed his nails as he waited. He buffed them on his lapel just as she arrived beside him. "Tuna snack", he

cooed. "Please don't call me that. My name is Ginger!" she said, suddenly irritable, "and I'm leaving you and this miserable fishing boat!" She gyrated back out the door and into

a taxi which bore her up into the fading sunset. Ginger was fabulous, and didn't even care. "I DON'T EVEN CAAAARE," she shouted to the world, and so it was. She didn't even care.