Redemption was not something she ever thought

Redemption was not something she ever thought possible.

But the cashier insisted that the bonus bucks were in fact redeemable. The patron bowed her head in thanks, catching her hair in the checkout conveyor belt. "Don't scan me, save my

life, please... save..." She was sucked under the rubber matting and became one with the conveyor belt. The conveyor belt got the reputation, rightly, of being haunted. It groaned

and moaned and cursed the day it was manufactured. "Why, why was I assembled solely to slaughter these oddly-shaped creatures?" The haunted conveyor belt was not a natural murderer

Droidy. Not so original, but he was a science wiz, not a poet, okay? So the science wiz rents Droidy out to the Kiwanis Club to keep minutes during meetings, but his laser scanner

reports that there is an alien invader in the midst of the board of shareholders. The IT guy tried to fix the damn thing but in the end, Droidy had to go. That's when we learned th

at the aliens were planning on overtaking not only the market, but the government itself. Droidy couldn't leave with this knowledge. She had to think of a way to stop them. "Hey! s

sss..." she hissed at the aliens. "If you want to take over our government, you're going to have to appoint this woman" (she held up a picture of Sarah Palin) "as the human leader

of your world." "Oh, yeah fuck no, we can't do that do you know how irrelevant Sarah Palin is? Jesus." Anyways, that's the story of how the aliens ditched this planet cuz of P-Dawg