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When the pounding in my head got loud enough

  • When the pounding in my head got loud enough that people beside me could hear it, I knew I had to do something about it. I went to see Prof. Loomis's brother, Luthor about it. His

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  • advice was only more confusing -- or maybe it was harder for me to concentrate with all the pounding. "Have you done anything lately that might be making you feel guilty?" he asked

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  • ¨Yeah...I killed my mom and then put her brain in a blender...it tasted kind good though.¨ I stuttered.

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  • I thought the brain was the best part, after all. The heart was too thick and the liver was too chewy. I didn't like admitting that I did this, but it was a great meal.

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  • And now I'd like to bring these same cannibal delicacies to the vegan community, with my new Tofuman Cookbook! Now even vegetarian zombies can enjoy brain substitute dishes and

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  • livers, hearts, and kidneys, too. In the Tofuman Cookbook, I organize meal plans for vegan zombies. Breakfast brains made from pickled-beets-stuffed cauliflower. Lunch lungs made

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  • From processed Lima beans. I heard they were a great hit amongst the horde of zombies at the LA meetings (Longpigs Anonymous) it's such a shame that 90% of them go back to flesh

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  • within a year of completing the program. Though the lima beans were a cruelty-free, sustainable option, the zombies just couldn't resist the rich, meaty aroma of human flesh.

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  • People started reporting a change in their zombies. It was like the zombies were in some kind of existential pain over being dead & still feeling like they did when they were alive

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  • . I mean, go figure, right? Still, what the zombie union didn't count on was not being able to collect workmen's comp for being dead. That was an opposition greater than them.

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