Suddenly the door opened and everyone screamed.

Suddenly the door opened and everyone screamed. They never expected to see

Elvis standing there. But there he was, in all his studded white jumpsuit glory. At first, we thought maybe he was just a really good impersonator, but he proved he was the real

deal. "B-but, we thought you were dead." We were astounded. Elvis winked. "The truth is that I faked my death in order to pursue my true passion:

Becoming a famous singer. "It is my lifelong dream, I fantasized each and every night about how it would be like" said Elvis.

Suddenly Elvis erupted in full song: "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog, Cryin' all the time!". And the world stood still, until a giant bloodthirsty beast called

Haggard crushed all the buildings in town. Elvis was really angry and he picked up his knife to stop the monster. He just needed to

jam it right in his weak spot. Fortunately the shoes Elvis wore that day had high enough platforms to reach the monster's troath. After a huge fight

was let down because when Elvis got back on stage he no longer did his hip thrusts. The singing was spot on though, so no one suspected

he was a serial killer. "Should I return to jail," he thought, "& resume being lead singer for Chained Carnage, or be on MTV & do some REAL carnage offstage?" Decisions, decisions.