I d d d don't remem m m m ber when I began

I d d d don't remem m m m ber when I began t t t t to stutter. When I was a ch ch ch child, half of my

She rolled her eyes, flipped her hand over to examine her pedicure, slowly chewed her gum with loud smacks, let out a big sigh & pursed her lips. My pickup line didn't impress her.

I could tell this by the faint flicker in her left eyelid as I delivered my zinger. I concluded she had appalling taste in men and started chatting up her friend sitting next to

the midget eating caramel corn. "Hey, Good Looking. What's up?" "Not much," said the midget, wiping his sticky hands on the breasts of the woman I was attempting to seduce. I shot

the midget a glance that made him sit back in the chair and pull his sticky fingers away from my date's breast. She smiled a toothy grin and giggled, "He sure is a fresh little guy

.” I wasn’t so sure. The midget seemed intent on killing me and stealing her, but of course I didn’t say that.

Instead, I said, "Come ride on my shoulders my short friend, and together we search for another princess to rescue." Insulted by my insinuation, he head-butted me in the torso and

Strangled me to death with my own testicles. Eventually the dwarf located another princess and, after wooing her, climbed inside her and shouted "birth me into a new life together"

To his chagrin, she discharged him from the other side. But the ensuing journey DID change his life & spawn his epic How to Swim with the Turds, lauded for its non-metaphoric tilt.