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Elvis rotated his pelvis. That was the sign

  • Elvis rotated his pelvis. That was the sign the aliens had been waiting for.

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  • They activated the squirrel mind control tail antennas. The rodents' necks perked up, and they initiated acorn launcher formations. Passers-by were pelted with nuts spat at 100 km/

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  • s, so they never had a chance. But what's a little collateral damage if you're trying to save the world? In the meantime, the Chopper's army got closer, retaliating the nut-attack

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  • with sequins. Glitter bomb the Chopper and his stupid rambo-esque name! Rambo. Now there was a man who could appreciate the finer things the jungle has to offer. Like glitter.

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  • Now that he thought about, Rambo used to go into the theater and watch Glitter. That smell of hot butter popcorn and Mariah Carey's windblown hair spoke to Rambo's inner

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  • diva, plus he hadn't caught on to how many calories a large movie popcorn with extra butter really packs in. Rambo couldn't understand how he did 12,000 crunches a day but still ha

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  • d jowls & pockets of stubborn cellulite on his thighs. It was so embarrassing! Rambo wiped the butter from his mouth & called Richard Simmons to whip his ass back into shape.

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  • To Rambo's discomfort, Richard Simmons just wanted to whip his ass no matter what shape it was in. Furthermore, televised exercise was selling out. Rambo moaned in fat despair.

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  • He wasn't anymore in the shape which defined him as "Rambo", back in the good old days. Then he heard something on radio : "one year from now, you'd wish you started today". And

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  • that's how Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson became Governor of California. True story.

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1 Comments

  1. buddyboy4711 Jun 24 2014 @ 22:17

    One of my middle school teachers used to say that squirrels had antennae in their tails. The thing was, she was so crazy that I wasn't 100% sure she was joking. 90% tops.

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