"Fractals et my dingo," Gareth said bitterly

"Fractals et my dingo," Gareth said bitterly as his Romanesque apartment building started to look like a congress of trilobites. "Wasn't me, bro," said his friend Corwin with conce

aled enmity. Gareth was so Paleozoic. Ass. Everyone knew that Paleozoic was so, lame. It was the Mesoproterozoic. At least then you had the

stromatolites pumping out oxygen. Paleozoic Gareth was a has-been blue greem anaerobe. We mesoproterozoics had just invented sex. Weyheyhey! Just bud off by yourself Gareth, we're

here on Moon Base Copernicus watching the glowing aftermath of civilizations end. They say there will be habitable zones on Earth in about 5 generations but right now the survivors

will have to stay put, digging and mining and farming till the day they can return. Earth looked so beautiful with the red aura proceeding outwards, but only if you don't think

about the fact that soon, the resources would all be mined up, the soil farmed away. If THEY hadn't returned by then to absolve us, we'd have to return to the scorched red surface.

I picked up the phone and ordered another Opportunity Pizza, then waited for the Martian Council to deliver our verdict. Sure enough, the verdict arrived before the pizza.

Was crushed by a giant whale penis crashing through the roof and splattering my pizza everywhere. What is wrong with the world that this could happen on a Friday. Suddenly a panda

appeared, snatching the pizza. "Stope that Panda!" I cried "It's making off with my Peperoni and Cheese!" but it was to no avail. My life had certainly taken a turn for the worse.