I can't believe that our football team lost

I can't believe that our football team lost their first game to

a bunch of one legged, colour blind, female Bulgarian

fish farmers with three teeth to share between them had drawn me a map to the courthouse. Of course I was lost, or course. To top it off, my best suit was getting sweat stains from

was my father and that was how I came to be. However, when they explained it to me they said they bought me from Ikea and they had to send out for extra pegs. I would look in the

back of my head for these supposed pegs, but I couldn't find a single one. Had they come out? And if so, why haven't I fallen apart already? These questions

weren't worth answering. "You notice I have a tendency to ramble on?" I apologized, dousing her cigarette in the ashtray. I hate old joints like this. I like old joints, but not

like this. Now, Spike Lee joints? That's different. I like joints like that. Spike Lee is the most important artist of our times, and yes, I am Spike Lee and talking about

myself, I'm even more relevant. And when I, Spike Lee, refer to myself in the third person, I am elevated above Ghandi, Kanye West, Nobel Peace Prize winners & the sexiest man aliv

e (which is, of course, me).The world bowed down to Spike Lee, fulfilling the prophecy. All Hell broke out then & there was great gnashing of teeth. God simply said,"Told you so."