I was making a cheese and ham toastie by

I was making a cheese and ham toastie by ironing the ingredients between 2 slices of bread. Now I had melted cheese all over my ironing board and the steam setting made the bread

soggy and gooey, just the way I liked it. I slapped the sandwich onto a plate, carried it over to sit in front of the TV. I unpaused it, resuming the movie I was watching.

A hand shot out of the TV set and took my sandwich. Yes, that's right TOOK IT right off my plate! I dove into the TV portal & chased Columbo down the sidewalk. "Give it back to me!

But just as I was reaching for his shoulder he turned and rammed his cigar into my eye. "Shove off!" Columbo shouted, delivering a kick to my sternum. Luckily, my glass eye was

unable to feel the lit cigarette that had been so unceremoniously shoved into my eyeball. Besides that, I fell over after he kicked me in the sternum. "What was that for?" I

managed to wheeze. His kick had knocked the wind out of me. His cigarette in the eye trick failed because I had a glass eye. I pulled my eye out and winged it at his temple.

My glass eye exploded taking out the torpedo. I had enough of the Mob putting the screws on old 'Blue Eyes.' and me. "Rat Pack Assemble!" Dean Martin leaped into

Action and took out his baseball bat. The Mob fled for their lives. There were bigger fish to fry. Literally, they had caught a shark and couldn't wait to carve it up for dinner.

The mob claimed to be the shark's next of kin and inherited all of his belongings, which came one day in a box. Inside was a Raggedy Andy doll and a dog-eared copy of "Moby Dick".