I wish, oh how I wish that I could obtain

I wish, oh how I wish that I could obtain

the sort of life that you read about in books. If I walked into the street and aliens invaded, or into a trashy bar only to find that the girl of my dreams was a spy for a futurist

corporation looking to reverse engineer time machines. Instead it was washing machines, and chores. And that would be it until she bit the dust. Why wait? She threw herself

into War and Peace.

Not to be confused with Warts and Peas, the infamous children's story about a boy who was covered in warts due to his refusal to eat peas. Only an idiot would confuse it with the

weird kid named don

Garlic, onion and jalapeno soup, he would be starving yes, but would have much better breath. Yes, he needs a tic-tac, but has little chance of finding one. Or anything else for

that purpose other than the a dusty and over-used used

lariat. But it helps keep the equipment budget down for America's standout new reality show, Rodeo Cowgirl Housewives of Missoula.